Vinnie! This Is An Emergency!
by PunkPrincess316
Summary: "Cid Ate All My Cotton Candy Pop Rock Ice Cream!"  That's the emergency?


_**Hi there! I feel like I've been updating so freaking much lately…. But oh well. A funny little yuffentine oneshot. I've been considering doing a full blown chapter story for these two but I dunno…**_

Vincent was in his study, minding his own business, when he heard Yuffie scream at the top of her little lungs.

He took a calming breath. There was probably a spider in the living room. That's what it had been last time. Nevertheless he put down his book and ventured downstairs to the kitchen.

"What's wrong Yuffie?" he asked tiredly.

To his complete surprise Yuffie barreled into him and started crying.

"I-it's awful!" She hiccupped. "I c-couldn't b-believe it."

"What?" Vincent was caught offguard. Despite Yuffie's childish nature, he'd never seen her cry before.

"I-it…" She pushed herself away from him. "I-I'll just deal w-with it myself."

"Yuffie, you're twenty and you've never dealt with anything yourself."

"W-what is that supposed to mean?" Yuffie demanded.

"Nothing. Look you're crying so hard you're hiccupping. What's wrong?"

"Why don't you call Cid up and ask him what's wrong?" She sniffed, "And I am not h-hiccupping."

"Yes, you are." Vincent said patiently.

"Am n-not."

"Yuffie what's wrong?"

She started crying again, "C-CID ATE ALL MY COTTON C-CANDY POP R-ROCKS ICE CREAM!"

"That's what this is all about?"

Yuffie looked at him with big woeful eyes. "A-all of it!"

"You're crying because Cid ate some of your ice cream?"

"Not just some. It was all of it. And i-it was the c-cotton candy p-pop rocks!"

"Yuffie that sounds nasty. I should probably call Cid to see if he has indigestion."

She started wailing, "N-nobody cares that little Yuffie gets all her ice cream stolen away. There was almost an e-entire g-gallon left. I e-even bought it with m-my own m-money!"

"Yuff, really." Vincent opened the freezer. "There are at least six other flavors in this freezer. Pick one of them and be happy. Tomorrow you can go to the store and get yourself some more."

"I d-don't want those flavors." Yuffie protested. "I was t-thinking about that ice cream all day. I didn't even eat any because y-you said I shouldn't do that anymore."

"Are you suggesting it's my fault?"

Yuffie didn't say anything. She just kept looking at him with those beautiful watery eyes.

"It is not my fault. Just pick a different flavor."

"What can't you just run and get me some more?"

"Yuffie lets be reasonable here. It's close to midnight. You can survive another eight or so hours without cotton candy pop rock ice cream."

"I have cravings."

"So what?"

"Damn it. That freaking works for Tifa!"

"Yuffie, Tifa is pregnant."

"So what?" Yuffie parroted. "Cloud went out last night at four twenty six in the morning because Tifa wanted ice cream and cabbage. I'm being reasonable. I don't even want the cabbage!"

"Yuffie, Cloud went to the store at four twenty six in the morning because he feared for his immortal soul. Tifa is pregnant."

"No," Yuffie argued, "He did it because he loves her. And you evidently don't love me!"

She started crying again.

"Dammit Yuffie. I'll get your ice cream. Wait here and don't destroy anything."

Yuffie waited until he was out the door before pulling a stopwatch out from her back pocket. "Hmmm… the crying seemed to be a success… we shaved off an additional ten seconds."

She grinned and skipped off to tell Tifa about her new method.

Meanwhile, Vincent was in line at the checkout counter with a two gallon container of cotton candy pop rock ice cream. "I swear, when that girl hits about forty or so, her metabolism is going to slow down and she will become a walrus overnight."

The guy at the checkout counter gave him a sympathetic look. "I take it this is for your wife?"

"Girlfriend." Vincent corrected absently.

"Just wait until you two have kids."

Vincent shuddered at the thought of emergency runs for diapers and formula. He liked kids, really. That aspect of parenting just didn't particularly appeal to him.

"That's $18.43."

Vincent handed him a twenty and patiently waited for his change. He signed the receipt and grumpily made his way to his parked car.

He threw the ice cream onto the passenger seat and dug out his cell phone.

Cid answered on the third ring, "Dammit Vince, what is your problem? It's early."

"If you ever eat all of Yuffie's cotton candy pop rock ice cream again I swear I'll break both your arms."

"What?" Cid grumbled. "I didn't eat the lassie's ice cream."

"Of course you're going to say that. I'm not stupid."

"I'm serious, Vince. I didn't eat the ice cream, though I would have fed it to Red if I'd known she'd make you go on a midnight trip to the grocer."

"Very funny."

"I'm not pulling your leg this time man. I'm lactose intolerant, remember?"

Vincent nearly hit the car in front of him, "Yuffie" he growled.

"Looks like the score is Yuffie - 1 Vincent – 0. The White Rose of Wutai strikes again."

Cid hung up. Vincent shut his phone with a snap and drove home with a vengeance.

Sure enough, when he returned Yuffie was sitting at the table with a spoon and a container of…. You guessed it cotton candy pop rock ice cream.

"Vinnie look what I found!" She grinned at him and waved her spoon around. "Cid didn't eat it!"

"Well, guess what I bought."

Yuffie's eyed widened. "Ice cream?"

"A two gallon container of your favorite flavor."

"Give it to me!" Yuffie stretched her arms out to him beseechingly.

"Nope. This is my ice cream. I thought you'd just be interested to know why I went to the store so late."

He ran upstairs and locked his door just as Yuffie body slammed it.

"Vinnie cuddlebug cutie pie snuggle bear. Can I pretty pretty please have the delicious ice cream?"

"You have a container of the same flavor downstairs."

"But…this time it really is all gone."

"You shouldn't have eaten it so fast." Vincent cracked the lid on the container and smacked his lips dramatically. He actually has no intention of consuming Yuffie's treat. "Mmmmm Yuffie, This ice cream really is delicious."

"You are Satanic Vincent Valentine. I hope you get a stomachache."

"Love you too darling."

_**Ta Da! Isn't Vincent evil? I'm sure Vincent gave Yuffie the ice cream after watching her squirm for a little bit. Or maybe Yuffie rented a battering ram and took the ice cream by force. You pick. R&R as always.**_


End file.
